“Thou shalt not commit adulthood.”
Of all the adages from “All-O-Gistics,” a quasi-Ten Commandments from their 1987 album All, this one is perhaps most indicative of the Descendents. They’ve always been a band that writes songs about hard-hitting topics like eating, farting, coffee and girls, and they’ve always been good at it. But the irony is that no matter how good the Descendents are at giving voice to your inner child, they’re still getting older.
This serves as the thesis statement for Hypercaffium Spazzinate, the group’s first full-length album since 2004. And though the band’s four members are all in their 50s, they’re still throwing themselves at their songs with the reckless abandon of guys in their 20s. The result is what might be the best punk rock album about aging since the Lawrence Arms’ Metropole, if not ever.
On Hypercaffium Spazzinate, the Descendents don’t try to stop the march of time as much as they do embrace it with all the winking humor and infectious hooks they’ve spent a lifetime mastering. “On Paper” is about the importance of having your financials in order, while “No Fat Burger” is a self-referential take on having to watch what you eat. But the band avoids after-school special territory, instead turning their life lessons into breakneck pop punk.
But not everything is a joke on Hypercaffium. “Comeback Kid” is about the brain tumor that nearly killed drummer Bill Stevenson in 2009; “Feel This” is bassist Karl Alvarez’s reaction to his mother’s death; and “Limiter” is vocalist Milo Aukerman’s apology for medicating his son and preventing him from “going for all.” It’s odd to hear the band get serious but, given their path, it’s also enlightening.`
Lyrically, however, Aukerman isn’t as strong of a writer as Stevenson, Alvarez or guitarist Stephen Egerton, and this does make Hypercaffium an uneven listen. But in his defense, his three band mates are full-time musicians and always have been. At 53, Aukerman just left his day job as a research chemist to focus on Descendents full time. Think of those missteps as him just knocking the rust off.
If there’s one overarching criticism to be made of Hypercaffium Spazzinate, it’s that it sounds very similar to the band’s six other studio albums. But that’s also a compliment — they’re mature and immature, incapable of taking themselves seriously while occasionally writing about things that are deadly serious. Sure, the Descendents made the mistake of committing adulthood, but they’ve atoned for their sins, and Hypercaffium Spazzinate is their ten Hail Marys.