Has this ever happened to you? You’re with a group of friends talking about your favorite media when and all of a sudden the conversation turns to something classic that you’ve never seen, heard or experienced before. Most of the time, your friends react in disgust at how a living person could go so long without experiencing such a classic. They’ll be so repulsed by the notion that they’ll urge you to experience it immediately.

We’ve all been there. And whether or not we like to admit it, we all have certain media we’ve been meaning to experience for a long time but just haven’t gotten around to it for one reason or another. WE’RE BUSY PEOPLE! For the sake of transparency, I’ve never read The Catcher in the Rye, seen The Godfather Part II, or listened to a full Beatles album. And despite that, I’m a perfectly well-rounded human that has a job and friends.

So what happens when someone who knows their fair share about music reviews a classic album that they’ve never heard before? Well, hopefully some semi-entertaining articles in a series that I’m calling Under a Rock.

In honor of their (sold out!) concert in Madison, the first Under a Rock features Hall and Oates’ 1973 album Abandoned Luncheonette. Like most Hall and Oates listeners, I usually stick to their singles if I listen to them at all, so I thought I’d give a complete album a try. Despite not being a particularly popular album at the time, Abandoned Luncheonette was Hall and Oates’ first taste of stardom and eventually went platinum.

“When the Morning Comes”

The first song starts and wow does Hall sound beautiful. There’s some basic acoustic guitar strumming in the background and even a small synthesizer(?) solo at the end, but this one is all about Hall’s golden voice. I’d sing along, but I’m afraid I’d ruin it.

“Had I Known You Better Then”

This is the first time we can hear Hall and Oates’ voices really interact, which has obviously been their bread and butter throughout their careers. The song is great, but it does annoy me sometimes when songs end by singing the title of the song over and over again and slowly fading out.

“Las Vegas Turnaround (The Stewardess Song)”

Okay, more of the same. A lot of vocal harmonies and basic acoustic strumming. I wish they’d do something a little different eventuOH MY GOD THAT SAX IS SEXY. It hits you right in the face a couple minutes in and then teases you in the background the rest of the song. Again, they did the repeating the title thing while it faded out, but I can forgive them for this song.

“She’s Gone”

And now we’ve come to the apex of the album. The one song from this collection that you could possibly consider a hit. A Tavares cover of this song reached No. 1 on the Billboard R&B charts a year after the album was released, and Hall and Oates’ version made it to No. 7 on the Hot 100 when they re-released it two years after.

It starts slow as all of the instruments create a funky beat while Hall and Oates invite you in with their background hum. The song builds and builds with the time-honored tradition of repeating the song title over and over again, but right when you think the song is going to fade away, the instruments (especially the horns) bring us to the climax where Hall is screaming “She’s gone!!!” And then, of course, it slowly fades away while they repeat it, but it was totally worth it to feel that rush of energy.

“I’m Just a Kid (Don’t Make Me Feel Like a Man)”

This song is mostly Oates, and although he’s talented, his voice can’t quite carry your attention throughout an entire song like Hall’s can. There are just enough drum fills to keep you from pressing skip. Overall, I think this song is a Tobias Jesso Jr wet dream, but nothing special.

“Abandoned Luncheonette”

Okay, flip to side two. This song contains my favorite lyric so far (about a luncheonette dishwasher): “Brilliantine slick, a pot-cleaning dandy / He was young and randy.” Why is that my favorite lyric? I don’t know, but it makes me laugh really hard. Who hasn’t been a sexually excitable dishwasher at some point in their life? Hall’s voice kind of takes on an Elton John “Rocket Man” sound, which is a slight change up from the James Taylor-esque sound of the first couple songs.. And oh, that sax…

“Lady Rain”

This song is a tonal shift in every sense of the word. I thought we were just having fun here, Hall and Oates! “All the days I’ve lost hoping and pretending / That my life would flow smooth and slow toward its ending / Oh Lady Rain is it I’ll be going down in pain?” The awesome guitar and violin solos in the middle of the song will be just enough to prevent you breaking down in tears. Despite it having a more serious tone than the others, this is one of my favorite songs on the album thus far.

“Laughing Boy”

This song begins with just Hall and a piano, but this time even Hall’s voice can’t save me from being bored. I’m not saying you’re boring if you like this song; you just like boring things. Every time I think this song is going to hit a peak, it crashes abruptly. Kind of like somebody winning that yodeling game on The Price is Right.

“Everytime I Look at You”

From the first couple notes, you can tell this finale is going to be completely different from the previous song, because boy is that guitar FUNKY. Where did Hall and Oates go? There’s no way this is the same duo that we’ve been listening to for the last 30 minutes. This song has soul, and it’s great listening to Hall and Oates have the vocal flexibility to cover such a wide range of styles in the back half of this album. It seems like all of the instruments we’ve been listening to this whole album come together at the end of this song as Hall and Oates repeat, “Baby it’s goodbye” over and over again and the music slowly fades. Wow, what a great end to the alb…Is that a banjo??? Yep, that’s how this album ends. One minute of unnecessary violin and banjo dueling.

Of course, I’ve heard Hall and Oates songs before, but I don’t remember the last time I actually chose to listen to them. And although their ability to top the charts improved as their careers went on, this album is a great condensed showcase for their wide-range of musical abilities. I’m glad I finally took the time to listen to what turned out to be a watershed Hall and Oates album. Now excuse me while I go crawl back under this rock.